The Runaway Hokages
by Aljan Moonfire
Summary: Naruto has been banished from Konoha. A simple enough concept once you get past all the overly emotional reactions. But whoever said that he, or those who care for him, would ever take such a sentence lying down? Certainly not the Hokage. AU after the Sasuke Retrieval Arc. Not a Naruto/Tsunade pairing.


**Aljan Moonfire does not own Naruto. At all...Excuse me while I go cry somewhere...**

"Speaking."

_'Thinking.'_

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><p><strong><em>Prologue<em>**_** - Banished**_

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><p>Naruto struggled back into semi-consciousness slowly, but the slow beeping that echoed from the space around him was horribly familiar. As he blearily blinked his eyes, the stark white ceiling scrambled into view in an unsettling blur that confirmed exactly where he was.<p>

Why was he in the hospital again?

Oh, that's right, because Sasuke-teme decided to be a power hungry prick and try and run off with the Hebi-pedo. He vaguely wondered if he should take that as confirmation that the bastard was gay. Well, either way, the asshole wasn't going anywhere anytime soon if he hurt as much as he did. When he'd told the bastard he'd be dragging him home even if he had to break every bone in his body, he'd meant it. He just hadn't really counted on Sasuke-teme almost returning the favor.

God dammit, but he hurt like hell. He was so going to have to punch out the bastard again the next time he saw him. Now that he thought of it though, he had managed to drag the prick back with him, right?

Quickly straining his memory back to the last time he was conscious, he struggled to remember. He'd caught up the bastard in that valley place with the two giant statues and fought him. Then Sasuke-teme tried to kill him, and then he beat the prick up in turn, and pulled on some of the fuzz-butt's chakra. But then the bastard used that freaky seal of his to turn into some kind of weird emo-drag form with freaky hair and lipstick – he hadn't thought even Sasuke-teme's fashion sense could get _that_ bad, even if he didn't seem to understand the glory that is the Orange – and then they'd fought some more and then the bastard's freaky emo-drag form got even more weird when he'd grown some sort of creepy hand-wing things used them to fly.

He pulled his face into an awkward grimace at that. If he was going to stay that way after the fight he wasn't all that sure if he'd even want to be around Sasuke-teme all that much now.

But back to the fight again, he really didn't want the bastard to go to Orochi-pedo, but he also didn't really feel like killing the prick, so when the asshole tried to use that screechy chi-something technique again, he'd used the Rasengan on those freaky wing-hand things and knocked the bastard out. He grinned again in remembrance. Who's the stronger ninja now, teme?

The grin faded a bit then as he realized he'd kinda passed out after that. He sorta remembered being carried and the smell of wet dog as well, but he couldn't be sure. Someone had managed to pick up the prick too though, right? Ah well, he'd just have to check for himself then. Tsunade-baa-chan or Shizune-nee-chan should know either way.

Struggling against the blankets covering him, he soon attempted to scramble out of the bed, wincing all the way. As soon as he tried to put his weight on his foot though, he stumbled, falling flat on his face as the sheets wrapped around his ankle in an unshakable grip, almost as if attempting to keep him from escaping.

Swearing under his breath against the tiled floor his face was now implanted in, he slowly pushed himself over onto his back with a grunt. Sitting up slowly once again, he turned his attention to the sheet that had decided to capture his foot and glared.

He was only broken out of his staring contest with the inanimate object by a few muffled giggles from the doorway. Freezing slightly in embarrassment, he rotated his head to look at the pair of women in the door way. Scratching the back of his head sheepishly and smiling, he opened his mouth to greet them.

"Morning, Tsunade-baa-chan, Shizune-nee-chan."

.-.

**An hour ago, outside the council room…**

Shizune didn't move from her position outside the council room's doors as the members of the joint shinobi and civilian council filed past her. As they did so, she couldn't help but notice the expressions on their faces that ranged anywhere from absurdly happy to quite downtrodden in the process. That couldn't mean anything good.

When her sensei finally came out of the room, the multitude of negative emotions practically wafting off her body made her eyes widen in concern and surprise. Hurrying after the woman, Tonton held as carefully in her arms as ever, she found it slightly difficult to keep up with the other medic's furious strides towards her office.

The woman flung the doors of the office to the sides as she entered the room, and Shizune jumped in surprise as Tsunade gripped a bust of one of the previous Hokages from a stand and chucked it through the nearest window in a fit of rage.

Shizune winced and ducked into a corner as Tsunade blindly scrambled for more ammo, grimly muttering obscenities about the council she'd just left under her breath. She was only able to catch something about 'greedy, biased, bigoted bastards with their heads shoved so far up their asses they couldn't see the light of day if it shoved a torch in down there as well'. Shizune wasn't sure if she even wanted to know. It sounded rather painful.

But then Tsunade began to wind down, her violent rage finally petering out to smoldering coals in her golden gaze. As the legendary medic-nin collapsed into the seat behind the Hokage desk, Shizune finally moved forward, still cautious of reigniting the other woman's temper.

"Tsunade-shishou?" she asked. "What happened in there?"

At the question the final remnants of her rage flared slightly, fueled by the question, but then they faded a bit again, battling with a different emotion. Then Tsunade answered; sadness and blocked rage wavering in her voice. "The most _esteemed_ Council of Konoha has come to a majority decision," she began sarcastically in a tired voice.

"Uzumaki Naruto is to be banished from Konoha within the week."

Shizune just blinked at her for a moment, not quite comprehending what she'd said at first. Then her eyes widened in horror, "What?"

Tsunade just nodded grimly in return, confirming that what she'd just said wasn't some sort of horrible joke. "I tried to stop it, but they went completely over my head with it. They'd already taken the proposition to the daimyo and gotten a favorable response. By the time they held that meeting all they'd needed was a majority vote from the council. With the advisors and the civilians wanting Naruto gone so badly there was nothing I or any of the supporting shinobi clans could do." She explained.

As Shizune collapsed, boneless with shock, into one of the chairs across from the desk, Tsunade sighed in defeat. "I really need a drink." She muttered lowly. For once Shizune couldn't help but agree.

Seeing as her normal minder seemed unlikely to object, the Hokage reached into her secret stash with a blindingly quick movement. Mere seconds later a bottle of sake and two cups were placed on the desk, one of them already full and making a rapid trip towards the woman's mouth.

As Shizune made an odd face at the sake, debating whether or not to get drunk along with her sensei, Tsunade's thoughts whirled with turmoil as she knocked back the alcohol. Naruto… he had always reminded her so badly of Dan and Nawaki. Their goals and their determined eyes; their loyalty and hope for this shithole of a village; even their freakin' smiles were the same. As she refilled the cup again, her depressed thoughts continued.

That boy was just about the only reason she even came back to this place – a place that even now seemed determined to take everything from her.

At that last thought she froze mid-motion, the sake in the cup frozen half way to her lips shivering at the arrested movement. The sudden freezing of her sensei caught Shizune's attention though, and as a twisted, devious smile spread its way over the woman's face she couldn't help the slight shiver of apprehension that crept down her spine. That smile never meant anything good.

"Tsunade-shishou?" she asked hesitantly.

Tsunade turned her attention to her apprentice at her name, but the smile never left her face. "Shizune," she began, "what was the reason we came back to this dump in the first place?" she asked.

"Well, Naruto-kun was, of cour…" she trailed off mid sentence, turning wide eyes on the Sannin before her. "Wait, what are you planning, Tsunade-shishou?"

"Who said I was planning anything?" she responded innocently as her grin widened.

At the playful tone Shizune only grew more worried. "Tsunade-shishou…"

"Oh, fine." She finally relented. '_Spoilsport._' Then she continued more seriously, "Naruto was the only reason we ever came back to this place." She stated. "If they're going to kick him out, I don't see any reason why we should stay." She concluded, smirking.

Shizune was surprised by the idea for a moment of course, but once she thought about it for a moment she could definitely see where her master was coming from. Not to mention it would be a great way to get back at the council, having the Hokage abandon the village because they kicked out the village pariah.

Shizune smiled an uncharacteristically devious smile in return. "I don't see anything wrong with such a plan." She replied.

Unsurprisingly, uneasy shivers of apprehension slid down the spines of multiple individuals both in and out of the village. Unfortunately, none of them took the premonition to heart and continued about their daily routines, sure that all was right in the world.

You've got to feel sorry for them.

Tsunade grinned back even wider. "Get Jiraiya in here now then, and tell him that if he isn't here in the next three minutes, I'll ban all Icha Icha merchandise within the walls of Konoha."

Shizune couldn't help snapping off a brisk salute in return. "Hai, Tsunade-shishou!"

Unsurprisingly, Jiraiya was within the room within moments, abandoning his perch outside the window as soon as he heard the threat. Any objection he might have made was cut off by Tsunade's glare. He'd overheard the whole conversation, and Tsunade knew it. This wasn't the time for him to be acting stupid. It was time to lay out their plans.

Half an hour later, they had them. Reviewing the plan in her head again, she couldn't help the inner cackle. They wouldn't know what hit them. She then turned her attention back the tall, white-haired man before her, her gaze once again serious. "You understand then." she said. It wasn't a question.

For once Jiraiya was just as somber, all humor and perversity gone from his attitude. "Yes, Tsunade-hime. It'll be ready by tomorrow night."

She nodded firmly at the confirmation. "Good." Her eyes then softened slightly, "You're okay with doing this though? I know you wanted this job as much as I did."

He gave her lecherous smirk, the seriousness of a moment ago gone as if it never existed, "Well, it'll cut into my research time, but I'm sure I can think of ways to compensate."

She glared at him again at the mention of his 'research', but let it pass for once. She had more important things to take care of. "I've got to get going. It won't be long until the brat wakes up, and I want to be the one to break the news to him."

Jiraiya stopped smirking at the mention of his godson's plight and grimaced. "Yeah. I should probably get started on that as well." Less than a second later Tsunade was left staring at the window the Toad Sage had just left through.

After a moment she shook whatever thoughts she had been pondering from her head a stood. "Shizune!"

Said woman poked her head in the door a second later. "Yes, Tsunade-shishou?"

"Let's get going. We have a brat to visit."

"Yes, Tsunade-shishou!"

.-.

**Ten minutes later, back in Naruto's hospital room…**

"What?" Naruto asked blankly, sure he had miss-heard the woman.

Tsunade sighed and repeated herself, mourning the fact that she ever had to speak the words emerging from her mouth. "You have been banished from Konoha, Naruto."

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><p><strong>~ Author's Note ~<strong>

Well, as you might be able to guess, this is the reason why I haven't updated anything recently. I caught sight of Perfect Lionheart's challenge a while ago, but the ideas I'd been having about it didn't really come together until a few weeks ago. I've been unable to really focus on my other stories since. Sorry. Hopefully this makes up for it. If not, only more apologies can be made. Unfortunately I'm too lazy to actually give them voice.

As for the story itself, it's clearly for the Missing Hokage Challenge Perfect Lionheart put out. While the concept has certainly caught my interest I don't exactly _like_ it as much as a few of my other stories (too much politics, to be honest), so after the first few updates, chapters will most likely be very slow in coming. Just a warning.

The next chappie should be out soon.

~ Aljan Moonfire


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